Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven...don't step on the ducks."

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly woman!"

The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter , who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy.

The third guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps. He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on...a very tall, tan, curvaceous, sexy blonde. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The guy remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The woman replies, "I don't know about you but I stepped on a duck."

- Submitted by Valerie Gorsuch, 11/10/11

Joke of the Month:
A man and a duck are walking down the street together. Suddenly, the man notices a low-flying airplane coming right for them. The man yells, "DUCK!!" and the duck looks back at the man with an angry face and yells, "MAN!!!!"

Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.

What happens when ducks fly upside down?
They quack up!

Which birds steal soap from the bath?
Robber ducks!

What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?
A firequacker!

A duck walks into a hardware store and says to the clerk "Got any grapes?"

The clerk says, patiently, "No, this is a hardware store, we don't have any grapes, try a grocery store."

The duck leaves.

The next day the same duck walks into to the same hardware store and says to the clerk, "Got any grapes?"

The clerk says, "No! Like I told you yesterday, this is a hardware store, we don't sell grapes here."

The duck leaves.

The next day the duck walks into the store again and says to the clerk, "Got any grapes?"

By this time the clerk is thoroughly irritated with the duck and says "No! We don't have any grapes! This is a hardware store! If you come in here and ask me again I'm going to nail your feet to the floor!"

The duck leaves.

The next day the duck walks into the hardware store and says to the clerk, "Got any nails?"

The clerk says, "Finally! A sensible question! But no, I'm sorry, we're all out of nails, I just sold the last package."

And then the duck says, "Good. In that case ... got any grapes?"

Send your best duck jokes in to us at info@martinraywinery.com. You just might find your duck joke posted on our site!